She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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