I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
