Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I just shit out all my problems.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
