Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
