dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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