Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
