o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
