if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
