btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
