I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
