If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
