I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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