got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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