I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
