She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
