Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
