I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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