last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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