Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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