I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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