I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
