he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
