I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
