Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
