we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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