I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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