People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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