so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
