why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
