Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do vagina's smell?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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