I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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