Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
