Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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