The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
