i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
