I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
