your room smells of hookers.
And success
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
