The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
