I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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