Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
