just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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