a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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