I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
