guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
