I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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