Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
