So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
