Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
