you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
