Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
