I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
