I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
