I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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