NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
