yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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