Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
