I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well I just put wine in my tea
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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