the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
