Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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