HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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