You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
